Posted on 5/7/2015 by Daddy Will in gay lgbt Metrosexual gey men political correctness grooming men's fashion

Metrosexual.. is it the aesthetic equivalent of being bisexual? Or, is it simply some awkward state of limbo between being gay and straight? I'm still not quite sure how I feel about this term. Am I to be offended, or perhaps feel honored to know that there are those that wish to emulate what they perceive as being my lifestyle. Is this the equivalent of the white kid from the suburbs that dresses and "acts" black? A rather warped desire to be a "person of color" without the "inconveniences" so often associated with actually being so?


I'm not overly sensitive about words, but I can be a bit of a stickler in regards to semantics.   I don't bristle when I hear derogatory terms in reference to my sexual orientation. I mean, being called a "faggot" long ago ceased to intimidate me, and "queer" is a term that I personally reclaimed long ago. I'm more sensitive about such things in regards to how they deeply effect some of my brothers and sisters whom remain deeply scarred by these terms, so therefore am extremely cautious about using such terms.  Just a few years ago I'd drive by Bearbucks (our local gay Starbucks in the Castro, frequented by bears) with my convertible top down and yell "FAGGOT" at my friends sitting out front as I searched for a parking place so I could join them.  For me it's a term of endearment. But, I came to realize that such behavior on my own part, even though in jest and meant as a form of self-empowerment, may have in fact allowed the "outside world" to think I was condoning such  behavior, this "outside world"  which is in fact very much the world we as LGBT folk increasingly exist in. One of the downsides of assimilation is assimilation. I admit it, political correctness has influenced my day to day patter.  I no longer refer to friends as; gurrll, queen, faggot, or the ever popular Mary. And while many of my brethren have taken to referring to just anybody as "Bitch" this is one I particularly avoid, lest it come off as misogynistic.

However, I do bristle when I hear the term "Metrosexual."  It disturbs me on different levels.  OK, first and foremost, the term is used to define a straight man that supposedly emulates certain "gay" characteristics, based on his grooming habits, manner of attire, design and decorating aesthetic, or desire for luxury items, fine dining, cushy accommodations, and so on

This disturbs me as I find it very presumptuous,  I as a gay man have displayed some of these characteristics and desires throughout the decades of my existence, but they have nothing to do with who I am today.  While being a gay man has proven not to be a "stage" I'm going through, my desire and perceived and/or imagined need for designer clothes and following the latest trends in décor, fashion, and grooming did prove to be temporary "phases" based on my social standing, facet of the community I was inhabiting, or cultural surroundings at the moment. In a sense, this remains true. I was recently chatting online with an ex of mine in Miami. Upon seeing a recent photo of me, he remarked; "You look soooooo San Francisco."   But while those numerous phases may be aspects of who I am, in that they are part of my experience,they are definitely in the past and not reflective of how I live today.

Secondly, and I suppose this would be my first concern were I a more "Politically Correct" type of guy. But, referring to a man as a Metrosexual is little more than a polite and socially acceptable way of stating the he, his mannerisms, his desires ad aesthetics are "SO GAY!"  Think about it.... It's just no longer cool or PC to say; "that's sooo gay!" We even have Public Service Announcements to make us aware of this.

It may be due to age, my surroundings, the aesthetic of the men that make up my social network... it may be any number of things. But, today I just don't feel that I'm a great role model for the aspiring Metrosexual. On the rare occasion that I'm required to "dress up" it requires me to pilfer a pair of dark socks from my neighbors laundry, search my closet for that pair of black chinos that I've not been able to button for a decade, force me feet into an outdated pair of dress shoes that ceased to fit fifty pounds ago, find a shirt with a collar that couldn't possibly fit around my neck, then look for a pullover to wear over the shirt to cover the gaping buttons on my shirt and also obscure the open waistband of my trousers.  Oh, then I need to stop by Walgreens to surreptitiously attempt to spray or roll on a bit of deodorant, and it's no easy task getting my hand between the layers of clothing and the many layers of me.  Maybe it's time to assemble an ersatz dress up ensemble, sort of a collection of dickies, sleeves, sweater vest and slacks, all sewn together with elastic at strategic points, giving the illusion of a human form.  You could leave the top open and step in, and Velcro it together at the shoulders, or even zip it up the back.  Sort of a jumpsuit or "onesie" for us men that no longer give a damn about fashion, but are required to step up our appearance from time to time.  I suppose one could even "pretreat" strategic areas of the garment with antiperspirant and even a dab of cologne.

I'm not overly offended by stereotypes or stereotyping. Stereotypes exist because stereotypes exist, simple as that. All of us fit into a minority or definitive group in some manner, be it gender, race, religion, ethnicity/nationality, or sexual orientation. Even the state we hale from leads to stereotyping, dontcha know? 

All I have to do to be reminded of this is to drive down Market Street on a drizzly day. I can promise you that at the corner of Market and 16th near the Castro, I will encounter some big, butch, bearish man, all dolled up in his sturdy Carhartt work clothes, on arm raised and, wrist twisting violently as his flailing hand as he squeals out "TAXXXSEEEEEE!" in an attempt to hail a cab to get off to the salon where his first client of the day is waiting for a cut or to have her highlights touched up.  Of course, WE all know the real reason for those Carhartt dungarees with the "reinforced knee" panel.  It's a day to evening look.  It takes you straight from work, to cocktails, remove the shirt for a quick stop by Blow Buddies. It's the gay man's Little Black Dress, that takes us from day to evening, simply by removing the jacket and adding a bangle, or cock ring, whatever the case may be.  If one were to wear a blue t-shirt to work, would it matter which rear pocket they tucked it into upon taking it off?  "OMG Mary, she's flagging a V-next tee from her left rear pocket… what's does cobalt blue with an orange banded collar and sleeves stand for?"

Hold on a moment!  Can women be Metrosexuals as well?  Does she wear a dress and ride a Harley?  Or, is she chauffeured about in a limo on her way to work as a steamfitter, attired in a Chanel suit?

I gotta give this some thought.. Stay tuned!

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